i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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