I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
