Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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