She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
