burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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