I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
