I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
