You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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