I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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