Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Come on in and take your pants off
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