Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
