Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
