I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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