I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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