the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
