I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
