I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
