I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
home. puking in laundry basket.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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