operation harelip BJ is a go
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
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