I got chris browned last night
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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