you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
