So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
