My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
