on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
