honey bunches of taint.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
