So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize