I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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