i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is Oprah even human
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
