i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
