just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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