I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
