You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
