we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
