I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
