It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize