He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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