Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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