Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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