my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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