I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
