One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
