How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
