EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
