somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
