I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
