Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize