i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
