i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
