they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
