He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
