The maid of honor just puked.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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