At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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