Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
