I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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