he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize