I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize