she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
