I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
