is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
