Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
