He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
