I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
