I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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