My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
