Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
