I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
