his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
