He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
