i was born a porn star she said
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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