Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize