Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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