I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
