Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
