Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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