I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
