I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
