for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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