I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
