I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
