and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
