puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
