Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
