why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
