Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
