I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
