She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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