I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
