I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
