got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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