WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
