Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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