Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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