Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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